What women want…

“Well I know it’s not one of those,” I said to Learner Dad when the ad for the foot spa came on.
“I already have someone to massage my feet.”
If I’d looked at his face right then, I would’ve seen I’d actually nailed it.
My Christmas present.
But I didn’t look so what an awkward surprise when that’s exactly what I opened on that December day.
Nine months on, I’m ashamed to say I still haven’t used it.
In fact, Learner Dad re-wrapped it and gave it to me again for my birthday in July.
While a foot spa is actually a great present and I don’t use it for reasons that would bore you, it’s not alone untouched at the bottom of the cupboard.
When it comes to partners and sons, I’m sure all you women would agree… we get a lot of useless (usually pink) crap.
Before Learner Dad, Poppy Pete used to buy up tonnes of the stuff every Mother’s Day and birthday for Master Seven to present to me – pastel pink teddy bears and bright pink balloons that said things like ‘Hugs for Mom’ or ‘Mmm… Stop… Mummy Time.’
Learner Dad has taken over the task with precision.
There’s the hot pink box of frangipani body wash with frangipani candle that screams Kmart and chemicals, a clear drawcard for confused fathers and sons in the lead up to Mother’s Day.
The random tub of fairy floss was another bright pink beauty this year.
Although he’d never heard of fairy floss, it caught Master Seven’s roving eye and he proudly presented me with it for my birthday.
(Ok I admit, I did eat it.)
And then there’s Learner Dad’s consistent pearler of a pressie – the size 18 pink Kmart nightie.
I’m size 12, I’ve told him this before and, strangely, he got it right when buying me lingerie.
But, when it comes to cheap nighties, he grabs whatever’s available on the rack.
So long as it’s pink.
And big.
And has a koala on it.
I have three of them.
Ok, ok, I’m wearing one now.
I’m wearing it with the leopard cub slippers Master Seven gave me, the ones that actually have little leopards’ heads at the toes.
The ones with removable, microwavable heat packs.
He got them to replace the shin-high fluffy pink fake ugg boots with pom poms, which wore out in about a month.
The nightie says ALL ABOUT ME.
Maybe there’s a message in that.

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