Before you read this, know that what I’m about to tell you happens to fewer than one in a thousand women.
Learner Dad has been a great sport throughout this blog.
The only topic he’s asked I keep off limits is ‘sex’.
But I must preface this piece simply by stating the obvious: for a while, sometimes a good while, babies replace sex.
They mess up your body in all sorts of ways coming out, call shotgun on your boobs, and either keep you awake all night or tire you out completely during the day.
Called regularly to task right up to the end in a bid to expel Li’l Fatty, once the baby had appeared Learner Dad was stood down.
Having had a C-section, for six weeks it was a question of… well… it was simply out of the question.
The next month it was a question of exhaustion… or interruption… or did I say exhaustion?
After that, it was merely a question of contraception.
Now I don’t have a good track record when it comes to preventing pregnancy.
Master Seven managed to dodge the morning after pill (albeit taken about 20 hours too late) and Li’l Fatty also defied a form of contraception (albeit one of the least effective types).
I’d tried the pill and Implanon but they left me flat and riddled with acne.
Both my boys had been wonderful surprises, but I wanted the next baby to be a rational decision (although, reading that back, a ‘wonderful surprise’ baby sounds far cuter than a ‘rational decision’ one).
I didn’t trust breastfeeding alone to protect me so I decided to try the Mirena.
Like an IUD and effective for five years, it often stops your periods yet does nothing to harm your fertility.
It took me two weeks to get an appointment to have it inserted and I was told it would take a week after that to take effect.
So Learner Dad and I had a three week countdown ahead of us.
But, on the exact Wednesday Learner Dad and I were supposed to be ready to scatter our sparks and let them fly, I was instead laid up on an operating table.
Mirena had snubbed its nose at my uterus and pushed right through it, into my stomach, before nestling itself somewhere under my bowel.
Fortunately I knew something wasn’t right almost immediately.
For others, it can happen and go unnoticed for years, leading to infection, organ damage and unwanted pregnancies.
The surgery was fine – having a Mirena removed is nothing compared with having a baby taken out of you.
But for now, it’s back to the contraceptive drawing board.
That or another ‘wonderful surprise’.


3 thoughts on “OMG, IUD gone AWOL

  1. Oh my, not good!!!! I’m on my second Mirena and am having it out in three days………I’ve had constant weight gain that won’t budge no matter what I do, terrible mood swings, pelvic pain off and on……….not too terrible and nothing like you experienced but I personally, and I know it sounds weird, don’t like not having a period, if I do have one it’s very short, like an hour to 2 days and my body always feels on the brink, never completing the “cycle”………’s a good option but I may be opting for the copper one

    • I was worried about the weight gain and i’d heard low sex drive but obviously I didn’t have it in long enough to find out. I’m hearing you about the period stuff, it just doesn’t feel right does it, even though they swear it won’t affect your fertility. I ended up going on the mini-pill and, apart from a stream of acne across my chest, I’m doing ok.

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