Out of the mouths of babes

“Hello little cutie,” Master Seven cooed at his little brother.
“So cute, yes you are, you little f**k.”
Li’l Fatty continued to grin at him, toothless and clueless, but Learner Dad was astounded.
While Master Seven had pet names for Li’l Fatty, ‘li’l weirdo’ being his favourite, this one was new.
And extremely confronting.
Now when your kids are in the early stages of speaking, sorry, but it can be quite funny hearing them drop the ‘f’ bomb.
My party trick was asking little Master Two to say ‘Fat Controller’, because it came out ‘Fucontroller’.
Another friend often gets her toddler to say ‘truck’ for the same reason.
But obviously it’s not the same when used in context by your children.
Like many other Master and Miss Sevens, ours is beginning to learn a variety of naughty words.
He runs smack bang into them at school, around the neighbourhood, and, if we’re not careful, on TV.
Being teased by Learner Dad’s sister at a recent family dinner, Master Seven retorted with: ‘ya big dickhead’.
While she and I stared at him gobsmacked, he grinned at me conspiratorially, as though it were a private joke between he and I.
When it comes to cursing, he no longer falls for the tricks – he knows it’s ‘Jesus’, not ‘jeepers’; prefers ‘what the hell’ to ‘what the heck’; and, recently, decided ‘doing wees’ was in fact ‘pissing’.
Yep, my gorgeous little blue-eyed grade one munchkin now ‘pisses’.
‘Poo’ is becoming ‘crap’ and ‘pop offs’ long ago became ‘farts’.
And he strongly suspects it’s not actually ‘fart’ the footy coach is mouthing on TV when the other team kicks a goal.
While Learner Dad and I aren’t big swearers, he does like to drop the word ‘bloody’.
I’ve fought him on it but, if Lara Bingle can say it, he says, then we can too.
Perhaps, when he’s running late for Master Seven one day and gets a “Where the bloody hell were you?” he’ll change his mind.


3 thoughts on “Out of the mouths of babes

  1. I have just laughed the whole way through this, and now have tears. Hilarious! I love that I can learn all of the tips and tricks from you ready for when we have to go through it in a few years. Out of interest, did you address the ‘little f***er’ comment with Master 7 (still laughing at the image of it being said in cutesy cutesy baby talk!) or let it slide?

    Thank you for brightening my day!

  2. Hey Ali, I have had a bad couple of days, and was sitting here feeling miserable till I just read this blog, I laughed and laughed. Remember when my boys said that “F” word for the first time .
    Thankyou for making my day xoxox

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